Hail and hark! Radko Goblinsplitter here, Chief of Adventuring here at Adventurers Anonymous. You may know us as that “other” adventuring company, the one that’s not a silly club, a stupid society or an exclamitive mess. For years we’ve sat by and watched those other organizations besmirch our good name, but no more! Now, we’re fighting back!

“Blogg angry! Blogg smash!”

Whoa there, Blogg! Down boy. That’s Blogg, one of our newest recruits. You can tell he’s a tough cookie because he’s got muscles the size of your head and he refers to himself in the third person, without knowing what that means.

“Blogg confused.”

Right you are, Blogg. And you’re also right to be angry. We’ve always been the adventuring company that takes the high road when it comes to our competitors, but there’s only so much one organization can take. No longer will this organization be the butt of jokes or the target of hushed whispers. And all because of a severe misunderstanding on what is good and natural. Well, I’m here to set the record strait.

“You say it, boss!”

You see, Adventurers Anonymous is more than just an adventuring company, we’re a family of like-minded individuals who just didn’t fit in within the larger adventuring society. It’s not for a lack of ability, our results speak for themselves, after all. No, we didn’t fit in for much darker reasons. Reasons that cause those other adventuring companies to hate us.

“Blogg hates hate!”

Of course you do. You’re one of us now.

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You see, being out there, on the road, in the wild, hunting down treasure or defeating monsters… well, it can be quite lonely. Yes, some are attracted to adventuring due to its solitary nature, but even the most solitary of creatures cry out for companionship from time to time. And at its heart, isn’t adventuring all about companionship? Eternal solitude is just not in the nature of intelligent creatures.

“Like Blogg!”

Well, lets not push things, Blogg. But what I’m saying is that when you’re balls deep in a dungeon and need to take a long rest, well, maybe you want to be balls deep in something else too. And who hasn’t ever looked out over the curve of an orc’s ass and not thought “well, I’d like me some of that.”

“Um… what?”

The beauty of a dungeon is that what happens down there is supposed to stay down there. When an adventurer and a creature fill that void in all our souls with a momentary feast of carnal flesh, well, there could be nothing more natural in the world. But you’d never know that if you listen to the rest of adventuring society talk about us. When they toss around terms like “gnoll-fucker” and “bone-polisher,” or when they make a stupid double-entendre out of a perfectly fine surname like mine, it just speaks more about their own ignorance than anything else.

But no longer will we hide in the shadows, beaten by society to find shame where there should be pride and joy. No longer will we sit idly by as our name is tarnished by those who don’t understand the ecstasy of a coupling with a creature of the night. No longer will we hide our heads when talk turns to who we share the pleasures of the flesh with. We are Adventurers Anonymous, but our love will no longer be anonymous.

“Um… Blogg have to go.”

Not so fast, recruit. Come to think on it, Blogg, you haven’t completed the hazing portion of your membership yet.

“Blogg have… uh… thing. To be at.”

You’re a pretty big guy there, Blogg. Hey, you wouldn’t happen to have any ogre in you, eh? Well, we’ll find out soon enough. And now, we won’t have to hide it.

“Help. Help Blogg. Please.”