Mageco Customer Service

Letter of Complaint:

To: Mageco Suggestions Department

Re: Excelsior wand purchase

To whom it may concern,

I’m writing you today to lodge a suggestion regarding my recent Mageco purchase. My attempt to locate the address of the “Complaints” department was met with psionic feedback that left me bedridden for days. But I’ll leave a suggestion on that topic for another time.

Currently, my issue is with my recent purchase of a Mageco-brand Excelsior wand. Specifically the Deluxe Diamond edition. After my last wand was destroyed through a backfiring fireball, I decided it was time to “Splurge and Invest in Myself,” as your marketing goes. After copious research, I found that all major magic publications rated the Mageco Excelsior series of wands as the highest quality and best value, making my decision easy. It was not until much later that I discovered that Mageco owns and operates all major magic publications in the land. But that’s a suggestion for another time as well.

My first inkling of concern came when I received the wand in the mail. Given that, even though you charge a small fortune for it, this particular model is considered a “budget” wand, I wasn’t expecting much in the way of packaging. Still, receiving a wand that was simply wrapped in tape with a label superglued to it was a bit off-putting. So the first few hours of my time with the wand were spent painstakingly removing tape residue, as your terms of use make it perfectly clear that Mageco is not responsible for miscasts caused by residue, moisture, or fingerprints on the wand itself.

My next issue was with the wand’s general quality. Your marketing assures me that the Excelsior series wands are made from six different exotic kinds of wood, all known for their magical properties. Given the wand’s extremely light weight and brittleness, I had it checked out by my local wandcrafter for a not-insignificant fee. After many tests, she assured me that the wand was, in fact, not crafted from six different types of exotic wood. It was, rather, crafted from one type of pressed flotsam, most likely from a woody bog shrub and not even a tree at all. Granted, I’m no arborist, so I figured that maybe this was normal and that maybe the woody shrub was at least exotic. So I continued on with my wand.

My next issue came several days later when the included magic powder ran out after just a few spells. When I went to change the magic powder cartridge with another Mageco-brand cartridge, I came to find out that it won’t fit. As it turns out, the Excelsior series uses a different sized magic powder cartridge for no reason that I can see other than to further gouge your customers. To say that this put me in a fit of rage would be an understatement. In my rage, I may have flicked the wand with extra energy, and to my surprise, the wand snapped in half from just the flick. A flick. Of a magic wand. Specifically what it’s supposed to do.

This whole episode has left me soured on your organization. I formally request that I be allowed an exception to your “no returns” policy, as I feel that at each step of this journey, your company has stretched the truth to its limits when it wasn’t just outright lying. Without that, I’m left with nothing to show for my expensive purchase and will never do business with your company again.