Alone? Lonely? Need a little magic in your life but your wizard isn’t talking to you? Well, we have the answer for you. Hot and single hedge wizards are standing by, ready to talk to you tonight.

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Heeeeeedgggeeee Wizzzzzzarrrrdddd

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Do you have a need that only a practitioner of the magical arts can provide? Are you tired of sitting by yourself, thinking of all the spells you aren’t casting? Or are you sick of just casting solo spells all by your lonesome?

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Heeeeeedgggeeee Wizzzzzzarrrrdddd

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Our group of fit, attractive, discreet hedge wizards are ready and waiting to talk to you. They know exactly what it takes to tell you all about the spells they can cast. From fireball to invisibility. Maybe even a meteor shower or two. They know it all, can do it all, and are hung like horses while they do it.

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Heeeeeedgggeeee Wizzzzzzarrrrdddd

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So if you’re tired of making it by yourself, just yell One-Nine-Hundred-HEDGE into the nearest palantir to get connected to hot, sexy, single hedge wizards in your area today. It’s just one gold for the first spell, five silver for each additional. And if you have a ritual fetish, well, our wizards are known to be a little on the wild side.

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Heeeeeedgggeeee Wizzzzzzarrrrdddd

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“Hey baby, dis Merlin. Whaddya wanna cast too day? Oh, me? I got on my cape and wizard hat. Yeah, dat right. So whata we castin, sweetie? Oohh, levitation. Just gotta gets my materials. Got dis featha right here. Oh, yeah. It’s a big one. Biggest you ever seen. It’s a damn, like, albatroff featha. Why don’t we get started? Whas’at? Oh yeah, baby. There’s no somatic component here, so yes I can suck your toes while we cast. I’m sucking on ‘em right now, sugar. Mmm dem nibblins taste so good.”

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Heeeeeedgggeeee Wizzzzzzarrrrdddd

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So stop casting spells by yourself, and get yourself some company. Magical company.

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